Refreshed and excited about my new aim, I decide to spend today exploring. I am just wondering where to go, and I get an invite from Diddy (one of my new found buddys from yesterday, won over by my frankly awesome speech about conquering Secondlife). I accept the invite and begin teleporting.

[5:46]  Teleport completed from http://slurl.com/secondlife/Iwo%20Jima/245/98/36

I arrive in the centre of a circular dance floor. There's lots of women there. They're dancing.

[5:46]  Leela Forder: here he is
[5:46]  Ayn Tomsen: hi curious
[5:46]  Leela Forder: woooot hey curious :)
[5:47]  spudys Miles: welcome cur
[5:47]  Ron Jaxa: hi Curios
[5:47]  Diddy Hyun: hiya curious
[5:47]  Nottoo Wise: hey curious xxx
[5:47]  Rex Berkowicz: hi cur
[5:47]  Claudine Chantilly: hiya curious

What a friendly bunch of women, I thought. I can't help but notice they are all scantily clad. And dancing. Is it wrong to think that's sexy? Yes. Yes it is. It's not sexy. It is definately not sexy in any way shape or form.

Okay, it's a bit sexy.

Oh god. I'm in a sexy circle.

[5:47]  Diddy Hyun: meet all our friends
[5:47]  Leela Forder: what's shakin dude :)
[5:47]  spudys Miles: this is our work out
[5:47]  Diddy Hyun: nottoo is the owner of this club she wants to talk to you
[5:47]  Leela Forder: jump on a dance ball and join us cur
[5:47]  Ayn Tomsen: he's got sneaks on - 'ready to roll

Wow. Ayn noticed my new Kickers. I like her already. Now: How the hell to I get out of dancing with all these women. I'm not going to be able to, am I?

[5:47]  Leela Forder: any balls left?
[5:47]  Diddy Hyun: he can have mine
[5:47]  spudys Miles: watch u hands next to me
[5:48]  Leela Forder: lol spud
[5:48]  Diddy Hyun: i need to run and get change lol

Is that flirting? Am I being flirted with? I certainly hope not. I think about bringing up the fact that currently I am not in ownership of a penis.

[5:48]  spudys Miles: hope we dont shock u
[5:48]  Ayn Tomsen: actually, curious she IS hoping we do shock you... ;)
[5:48]  spudys Miles: u looking well

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

[5:49]  You: Erm, gals... What am I doing exactly?
[5:49]  Nottoo Wise: yes this is WORKOUT
[5:49]  Leela Forder: yes curious we do this ev ery morning
[5:49]  spudys Miles: yes u r working out
[5:49]  You: really?
[5:49]  Nottoo Wise: every day mon thru fri at 5am
[5:49]  Leela Forder: yes - for a whole hour :)
[5:49]  Ayn Tomsen: yes
[5:49]  Leela Forder: :)
[5:49]  Ayn Tomsen: ha
[5:49]  spudys Miles: yes
[5:49]  Nottoo Wise: keeps us trim
[5:49]  spudys Miles: got to get fit

Mere words cannot describe how weird this is. I am working out. With about 15 women. In a club. On the internet.

[5:49]  You: Wow - and thought the gym would be hard work... this is a piece of cake
[5:49]  Ayn Tomsen: cake? where? I want cake

That's right - I'll knock 'em across Ayn - you head 'em in.

[5:49]  You: ...or is cake a bad word at a work out?
[5:49]  spudys Miles: sure is
[5:50]  You: sorry...
[5:50]  Celeste Balogh: lol
[5:50]  Ayn Tomsen: :)

Ayn blatantly has the hots for me. Must be these sneakers.

[5:50]  You: Gals - Forgive me but I'll be brief - because I don't have very long today...
[5:50]  Ayn Tomsen: ha
[5:50]  Leela Forder: hahahhahaa
[5:50]  spudys Miles: heheheh

Is that funny? Is there a sex joke to be made from that? I don't get it. Frankly, I feel like a piece of meat.

[5:51]  Nottoo Wise: curious normally we r naked
[5:51]  Leela Forder: lol
[5:51]  Ayn Tomsen: LOL
[5:51]  Leela Forder: but we got dressed cause u were coming
[5:51]  Ayn Tomsen: so be sure to dress appropriately tomorrow
[5:51]  Leela Forder: yes

I try and find the button to make my avitar shudder.

[5:52]  You: So - er - how's everyone doing?
[5:52]  Ayn Tomsen: woot
[5:52]  Leela Forder: AWESOME!!!!
[5:52]  spudys Miles: take look at us!
[5:53]  You: I guess we do look quite cool, what with all the synchronisation... Although I do feel a little bit like we're doing some kind of odd ritual right now.
[5:53]  Ayn Tomsen: ha
[5:53]  Leela Forder: lol we are
[5:53]  You: Still, at least it might bring the sun out.

I get a whole-hearted 'lol' consensus from everyone there (I now know this means 'laugh out loud' in internet speak). This lot are putty in my hands. I feel like the Fonz.

[5:53]  Leela Forder: we are going to put u in the cooking pot in just a minute lol
[5:53]  spudys Miles: hehhhe
[5:54]  Leela Forder: laughs wickedly
[5:54]  You: As long as there's something to eat in there, I'm happy - Bloody starving, I am. Anywho - Has Spudys or Diddy told you guys about my plan?
[5:54]  spudys Miles: never said a word
[5:54]  Leela Forder: hahahahaha
[5:55]  Ayn Tomsen: some fruit for after workout?
[5:55]  You: No - I have a masterplan... Wanna hear it?
[5:55]  Claudine Chantilly: a man with a plan!! woot!

Seriously now - enough with the flirting. Honestly.

[5:56]  You: I'm trying to get a record number of people in the same place at the same time and to prove they're all there for the same reason, we're all going to wear top hats.
[5:56]  Ayn Tomsen: ha - Ayn Tomsen: where and when?
[5:56]  You: I'm not sure yet - I need to get enough people interested.
[5:56]  Ron Jaxa: sex!!!
[5:56]  Nottoo Wise: yes group sex in top hats
[5:57]  You: Group sex?! No I think you've got the wrong end of the stick...

Oh come on now Chris - don't be feeding them lines like "wrong end of the stick".

[5:57]  You: I'm not sure I want the title for "Organiser of the worlds biggest virtual orgy"
[5:57]  Leela Forder: lol curious
[5:57]  Rex Berkowicz: lol
[5:57]  Ayn Tomsen: LOL rex
[5:57]  You: so any of you guys up for the top hat stunt?
[5:58]  Leela Forder: sure :)
[5:58]  Ayn Tomsen: top hat is good
[5:58]  Diddy Hyun: yep
[5:58]  Leela Forder: i have top hats
[5:58]  Ayn Tomsen: keep us posted here at workout

It takes a while but the realisation slowly dawns on me. They think I'm enjoying this. they think I'm a regular. I've become flirt-fodder at a virtual hornfest. But if that's what I have to be to organise my top hat clan, then that's what I'll do. Work out it is. I decide to make my excuses before people start trying to undress me.

[6:03]  You: Well, thanks for listenign you guys - and thanks for the workout...
[6:03]  Leela Forder: nice to meet u curious :)
[6:03]  spudys Miles: ur welcome
[6:03]  Leela Forder: come back any time :)
[6:04]  Nottoo Wise: curious i will add u as a member

I'm a group member. There's no backing out now. I'm really hoping that this isn't a massive mistake. I teleport back to the beach. And then I notice something horrible. I'm still dancing. I click on everything frantically. Nothing seems to stop me. People begin 'lol'ing as they pass me on the sand. I decide to shout for help. Oh the shame.

[6:05]  You: ARGH! - how do I stop dancing?

No one answers. I look like I'm having some kind of fit. I decide to try running away to somewhere more secluded until I figure out how to stop this crazy dance. I begin to spin, kick, jump and slide along the beach. Past couples, groups of friends, surfers, hovering people, everyone. It feels like they are all laughing and pointing at me. There's nowhere secluded for ages. Just miles and miles of rhythmic humilation. I decide shutting down my computer is the only dignified way to end it all. I just pray that I'm not still funking out when I log back on tomorrow.