Right, it's been a whole weekend. Let's have a quick double clicky and join my alter-ego to give my new clothes a try! I've bought a new top, some new slacks, and a pair of Kickers. I'll admit it: I look ruddy sharp. Then. The best message I've ever received EVER drops into my inbox:

[8:07] Benny Hak: (Saved Fri May 16 2008) hi curi just a message to say i found you a free top hat at that clothes place. benny.

Oh my word! That is fantastic! Benny has been spending his OWN TIME finding us top hats! I don't know any of my REAL friends that would do that for me! He truly is my best friend in the world! I decide to head to Sam's bar again and have a celebratory scrub of the floor. But when I teleport there – an unexpected sight:

[8:08] Sam's Bar Greeter: Hello Curious Kraus! Welcome to Sam's Bar
[8:09] Diddy Hyun: hiya curious
[8:09] spudys Miles: curieo hi

There are people here. Dancing. Socialising. Like a real bar. Diddy and Spudys are the only ones who seem to acknowledge me.

[8:09] You: Er, hi Diddy, how's it going?
[8:09] Diddy Hyun: good thanks curious - wanna join us dancing?
[8:10] You: Erm... sure - how do I do that, exactly? Sorry - I'm new here…
[8:10] Diddy Hyun: just click yes

And so I do what Diddy says. Click.

I start doing the campest dance I have ever seen anyone do. And I've seen the Scissor Sisters.

[8:11] You: wow! look at that!
[8:11] Diddy Hyun: lol curious - you have it babe
[8:11] You: I've got to say - I'm a pretty camp dancer
[8:12] Diddy Hyun: lol curious your fine
[8:12] You: So what brings you here Diddy?
[8:13] Diddy Hyun: I come here a lot curious

I decide that now's the time to pop my question to the unsuspecting masses.

[8:14] You: So... I have a question for everyone here…
[8:14] spudys Miles: ok
[8:14] spudys Miles: ask us

Here goes.

[8:14] You: I'm starting a cult. It currently has one member called Benny. He's really nice. …And so am I… And the thing is, we want more members. We don't exactly know what the cult does yet, but trust me it'll be a lot of fun! Whaddya say?

There's a full two minutes of silence.

[8:16] spudys Miles: not into cults
[8:16] rainyforyou Loon: me neither
[8:16] spudys Miles: so dont ask me

Hmm. That didn't go down brilliantly.

[8:16] Lucie Lovenkraft is Online

LUCIE! MY FRIEND! It was like I'd shone a Lucie shaped beacon into the moonlit sky and she's come out of her Lucie cave to come and save me from virtual social suicide! Lucie! Tell them! Tell them I'm not a head case!

[8:16] Lucie Lovenkraft: hiya all!!!!!
[8:16] Les Docherty: Hi Lucie
[8:16] rainyforyou Loon: hey lucie
[8:16] You: Lucie! Hi!
[8:16] spartacus Cortez: hi lucie
[8:16] spudys Miles: sent it dids
[8:16] Lucie Lovenkraft: Hi everybody!!! :D :D :D

Here I go again…

[8:16] You: Let me just try and reassure you guys – this cult - it's nothing weird - we'll be a NICE cult who make people tea, and bring them biscuits, and make them smile! Lucie knows! Tell them Lucie!
[8:16] Lucie Lovenkraft: a cult ...sounds yumm!
[8:16] Les Docherty: sounds very cultured - tea and bikkies

Ha! You fickle drones! I thought Les would be made of sterner stuff but he's turned at the drop of a hat! One of the ‘pack' says jump and he says ‘how high'! I'm back in the game thanks to Lucie! Dance puppets, dance!!

[8:19] You: So who's up for this friendly cult idea?! Lucie is! We could always say 'how do you do?' to people and offer them tea?!
[8:19] spudys Miles: no chance got enough to do

Damn you, Spudys. Damn you.

[8:19] Lucie Lovenkraft: lol cur...just use force
[8:19] You: I can't force tea on people, Lucie!
[8:19] Lucie Lovenkraft: u can!!!!
[8:19] You: If they don't want it I'd sooner have it myself!
[8:20] spudys Miles: people dont want to join cults hun. Sorry.
[8:20] Diddy Hyun: I don't like to be rude curiuos but i really think that cult would be nearly inpossable to build here - the whole of sl is nearly a cult of its own - i might be wrong – but I really wish you all the luck.

Suddenly, I feel quite dejected. I stop dancing.

[8:20] You : Sigh. I thought it could be cool to start my only little cult within a cult that stands for everything the internet doesn't! Normality! Politeness! Correct use of punctuation! That kind of thing! And as long as you believe in the core values of being nice to people (and preferably drinking tea, and possibly wearing a top hat) then it's even fine if you can't spell or use correct punctuation! I'm easy! Sigh – I never knew starting a cult would be so hard! Maybe you're right. Maybe this is a silly idea… I'm gonna leave…

I begin to walk towards the door of Sam's bar. I honestly consider not coming back. The exact same people I was trying to appeal to in the first place have shot me down in virtual flames. I feel like having a little cry.

[8:20] Lucie Lovenkraft: aawwweeeee....im sure it will be all worth it in the end curious.
[8:22] Diddy Hyun: curiuos babe after you have been in sl for a while you will realise that being nice to everyone gets you in more trouble than you can imagine
[8:24] You: See the thing is - I've only signed up on this second life thingy to see if I can start a successful cult and at the moment, my friends Steve and Dawn think I'm a lunatic.
[8:27] spudys Miles: how long have u been in sl – why are you here?

I turn around. Spudy, Les, Diddy and Lucie have all stopped dancing and are staring at me. I decide to try and win them over one last time.

[8:28] You: You wanna hear my story so far?
[8:29] Diddy Hyun: ok
[8:30] spudys Miles: tell us
[8:30] You: It's a little long but I'll try and abridge it.
[8:30] spudys Miles: *smiles*
[8:30] You: So - about a week ago my friends Steve and Dawn who I do a radio show asked me about Secondlife on air. I said I thought it couldn't be as weird as everyone makes out and set about proving them wrong - next thing you know a listener has challenged me to actually join and try and get on there. So I joined up with the name 'Curious Kraus' - an imitation of a feature I used to do on the very same breakfast show - "Curious Chris". Well, after a little while I learned how to shop, I learned how to chat and I even learned how to sit for money! I even learned how to scrub the floor to try and earn the money I need to start my own group for likeminded people on the net. Next, I met a guy called Benny, who's been my mentor so far and as time has gone by, do you know what? I've started to actually GET why people LIKE this place. You get a sense of adventure, a sense of freedom, and actually chatting to people on here has made me realise that actually, most people ARE nice! So now I've managed to make a friend or two and then a few days ago a listener heard me talking about my sl experience on air and he told me he owns Sam's Bar and next thing I know I'm here dancing with you guys and chatting to you lovely people and I actually think my task of starting a cult of people who wear top hats and ask people if they want tea is seeming like a reality! And I'll be able to hold my head high in front of Steve and Dawn and their mocking faces and say YES! I CONQUERED SECONDLIFE!!
[8:36] You: *collapses into tears and takes bow*
[8:36] spudys Miles: nice one
[8:36] Lucie Lovenkraft: aawwweee curious
[8:36] Diddy Hyun: aww curious
[8:36] spudys Miles: *claps*
[8:27] Lucie Lovenkraft: lol cur

I think I've done it! They're back onside! I'm not sure, but I think that in real life at least one of them is crying. I decide to go for the big question:

[8:27] You: So whaddya say then people?! JOIN ME! All in favour say AYE!
[8:27] Lucie Lovenkraft: AYE!!!!!
[8:28] spudys Miles: AYE!!!
[8:28] Diddy Hyun: AYE!
[8:28] You: HELL YEAH! GROUP HUG!

Every single one of them instantly adds me as a friend! I feel like crying tears of pure pixellated joy! I decide that if there's ever a time that's called for stupid camp dancing, then it's now.

[8:37] Les Docherty: Hey Curious you will never conquer Second Life. It conquers you.

Oh check out Aristotle over there. Don't try and bring me down Les, I'm on a role. The jury's spoken and you're either onside or your not – so either add me or do one you turncoat! I decide I don't need Les and his negativity anyway. If I haven't won him over thus far, then I'm never going to. ‘His loss', I thought.

[8:38] spudys Miles: check out the pic curious
[8:38] You: Which picture?
[8:39] spudys Miles: right in front of u
[8:39] You: whos that a pic of?
[8:40] spudys Miles: all us last night - dancing on stage here at sams - sam took it
[8:40] You: Wow! Maybe I could make that my new mission – to get a picture of lots of people posing in top hats on the stage at Sam's bar! What do you guys think?!
[8:41] spudys Miles: no problem
[8:41] You: Really?! Do you reckon we'd be able to get lots here?! I could make flyers and everything!!
[8:41] spudys Miles: we rup for a laugh
[8:41] You: It could be a guiness world record attempt! "The most people on a virtual stage on the internet wearing virtual top hats at the same time!" Right – No time to waste! I'm going to go and find out where I can get these top hats - I'll let you all know!
[8:48] spudys Miles: okies
[8:48] Lucie Lovenkraft: ok cur....mind when u cross the road
[8:48] Diddy Hyun: ok cur

And so off I go to find some hats for my new friends.

And then, as if things couldn't get any better, and I'm about to walk out the door of Sam's Bar to end a superb day of Secondlife action, Les Docherty adds me as a friend. Life is good.