Note: Sams Bar

Description: 2007-11-25 12:02:00 note card

Hi - Welcome to Sam's Bar :: Please be nice and respectful to everyone here. No nudity is allowed. No weapons either. If you want to join the group then please click the Green Posters on the walls. Please tell your friends about Sam's Bar. Lazersam

So here I am. Sam’s bar. I walk up to the doorway.

[5:36] Sam's Bar Greeter: Hello Curious Kraus! Welcome to Sam's Bar

[5:36] You: hi!

What a friendly bouncer! I’ll level with you – I’m excited. I feel like a member of the cast of cheers. The bar is a big place with a large dance floor and what looks like a jukebox in the corner. I consider sticking on some tunes but decide to have a good look around first. Plus I’m not sure Secondlife is ready for my dancing – virtual or otherwise. Just as I’m walking upstairs I spy a cat. A CAT. A virtual cat. Rubbing against my virtual leg in a virtual bar. Mental. The novelty of this new world clearly still hasn’t worn off. Then, all of a sudden, a message box pops up.

 “Lucie Lovenkraft wants to be your friend.”

And before I even have time to say ‘Lucie who?’ another one pops up:

“Lucie Lovenkraft hands you a card: You have been made a VIP at Sam’s bar.”

I’ve been what now?!?! A VIP?!?! I’m a Very Important Person! I’ve only existed in pixel form for 4 and a half days and already I’m VERY IMPORTANT! Oh I’m going up in the world. I feel like a drink to celebrate. There’s no one serving at the bar. I wonder what the licensing hours are in Secondlife? I decide to have another wander around and see if I can hunt down the mysterious Lucie Lovenkraft and thank her for making me a VIP.

Just as I’m about to walk out the door, the cat returns. I decide to see if I can interact with the cat. I wonder whether I can persuade it to join my cult. I begin pointing frantically at it. It looks up at me, confused. I don’t think it wants to be in my cult. But then the cat moves and something else is underneath my pointer, and becomes the recipient of my crazed pointy clicky gestures. It’s a bucket.

[5:49] Scrubbing Bucket Camper owned by Lazersam Hax gave you 'Scrub Brush (Wear Me)’

Next thing you know. I’m on my knees scrubbing the floor. I begin to think that Sam and his blasted bar has trapped me into some kind of slavery ring. And then I realise that I’m doing this out of CHOICE. And what’s more: I’m being paid 2 Linden Dollars for every 10 minutes scrubbing! That’s double the amount I was paid by that miserly bench. And you know what this means? It means I’ve got a JOB! I’m a member of the proud working classes! I’m a noble disciple of the proletariat! I’m a SCRUBBER!

I decide to call Benny and tell him.

[6:21] Curious Kraus: Benny! I think I've found a way of earning money!

[6:22] Curious Kraus: I'm scrubbing the floor in a bar!

[7:32] Benny Hak: hey man – nice one! You wanna go shopping?

Do I ever?! Can this day get any better?!

[7:33] Curious Kraus: Yeah!

[7:33] Benny Hak: cool cool

[7:33] Curious Kraus: I need a break from scrubbing this floor

[7:34] Benny Hak: heehee - its hard work - how much you earned?

[7:34] Curious Kraus: about 20L

[7:34] Benny Hak: great

[7:35] Curious Kraus: So where shall we go?

[7:36] Benny Hak: well i know a place with some free stuff first

[7:36] Curious Kraus: sounds good to me.

[7:37] Benny Hak: so you ready for another lesson?

[7:37] Curious Kraus: yeah, bring it on Bennyboy

[7:38] Teleport completed from http://slurl.com/secondlife/McVille4/44/205/23

The teleport finishes. The details of the new location begin to come slowly into focus. I seem to be in some kind of shop. The walls are lined with pictures, but they too take a while to become fully clear. But when they do, I am not only intrigued and confused, but more than a little terrified.

There are pictures of penises. Everywhere.

[7:39] Benny Hak: er do you need one of these?

[7:39] You: Is that a penis?

[7:39] Benny Hak: yes

[7:39] You:Why have you teleported me to a room full of penises.

[7:40] Benny Hak: do you intend to find a partner?

[7:40] You: Er... I hadn’t really thought about it. Let’s go for no.

[7:40] Benny Hak: well in that case, I guess you don't need one then lol

[7:40] You: Benny - are you telling me I currently do not have a penis?

[7:40] Benny Hak: correct

[7:40] You: Sweet god! Why the hell not?!

[7:40] Benny Hak: hehe

I suddenly feel very self-conscious. I think about asking Benny if HE has a penis. But after the pool incident I decide to leave his manhood out of the equation for now.

[7:43] You: So assuming that for the moment that I will buy a male appendage at a later date: What do I need to buy?

[7:45] Benny Hak: these pictures of naked men - they are called skins

[7:45] You: ...Right

[7:45] Benny Hak: choose one you like

[7:47] You: Okay let’s see – Erm, this one will do.

[7:48] Benny Hak: which one?

[7:48] You: This one in front of me - The bald guy

[7:48] Benny Hak: oki click on it and select buy

[7:49] You: Okay. Done.

[7:49] Benny Hak: now in your inventory you will find a folder called Andrew. Open it, find the new skin and click ‘wear’

[7:50] You: Okay - I'm wearing Andrews skin.

That is quite possibly the weirdest sentence I've ever said.

[7:50] Benny Hak: okay now we need to get you a new body shape next

I pick a body shape from the wall in front of me and apply the shape to my avatar. I look like Arnold Schwartzenegger.

[7:50] You: This one looks ridiculous: I think I'll stick with my original shape. How do I change it back?!

[7:51] Benny Hak: type shape in your inventory and it should show all items with the word SHAPE in them

[7:52] You: there you go

[7:52] Benny Hak: er Curious thats a woman shape now

[7:52] You: oops.

I have boobs. At my disposal. Brilliant. This. Is. Brilliant.

However, despite the temptation to be a woman for a bit, I decide to stay a penisless male.

[7:52] Benny Hak: now you go and find some clothes – i gotta go but speak soon – good luck!

[7:52] You: Thanks for all your help dude!

[7:52] Benny Hak: laters

I called him ‘Dude’! And he didn’t question me! I currently feel cooler than I’ve ever felt!

Smiling at my new found sense of coolness and loving the fit of Andrew’s skin, I set about spending the rest of my afternoon clothes shopping. And do you know what? It’s the first time the idea of clothes shopping has sounded anything other than boring.